Sometimes you might find, you get what you need
by KathrynRae
Summary: Begins with my take/ elaboration of the hangar scene, may continue on to fill in the gaps up to including the funeral...some scenes don't exist in episode; T for now, may go M  Disclaimer: Do not own Castle!
1. Chapter 1

[Ch. 1]

When Castle got to the hangar he remained in the background and listened to the exchange between Beckett and the Captain while once again examining the bullet holes Beckett left in the chopper. He touched one and closed his eyes for a second, saying a silent prayer that he would be able to keep her safe through this. That he was going to be able to uphold his promise and protect her at all costs. That he was enough for her. When he heard Montgomery call his name, he finally emerged from the shadows. Beckett shot him a quick glance and he knew the task of getting her the hell out of there wasn't going to be an easy one. Castle decided to plead with Roy one last time, but he was cut off. Just like he was when he received the phone call from Roy that evening. Roy was going to sacrifice himself to protect not only his own honour, but to protect her. Any anger or betrayal Castle felt was negligible next to the selfish sense of gratitude he felt towards the Captain. Someone had to take on Lockwood and his men once and for all and if Montgomery was prepared to do it, he wasn't going to stand in his way if it meant keeping _her_ safe. Castle felt sick to his stomach in that moment as a wave of panic flashed over him. He was going to let a good man, a good man with children and wife, die and Kate may never forgive him. But, Jim Beckett was right, he had to make her realize that her life was worth more than her mother's death; he had to show her how valuable she was to him, he had to protect _their _future.

He reached over to touch her shoulder, but he knew the effort was futile before she even brushed him off. Kate Beckett does not go anywhere she doesn't want to without a fight. Castle was shocked when she forgave Montgomery; he knew she was compassionate, but this was more than that. This was a testament of her fierce loyalty to the ones she loved. Kate began begging and pleading, something Castle had never heard her do before and it was breaking his heart. The headlights in his peripheral caught his attention and he turned his head as they were being shut off. Fuck, they know she's here. They know. "Castle get her out of her now!" bellowed the Captain as the SUV began approaching.

He picked her up more swiftly than he would have though he ever could. Castle didn't take the time to think and gripped onto her with everything he had. This was not exactly how he pictured he would lift Kate into his arms for the first time. She was struggling, struggling hard too. Castle used all of his strength to hold her and he knew he was being rough. He was worried about their physical match up while he drove to the hanger. He knew the only way to get her to back down would require some physical force. He gripped her slim body with everything had while she fought hard, while she begged him to let her stand with her Captain. He couldn't stop though. If he let her go, she would be dead and that was a thought he couldn't bear to handle. He would tough it out through her heart wrenching pleas if it meant she would stay alive. He knew he was hurting her in more ways than one when he forced them through the back door, but he tightened his grip when he heard the tires squeal to a stop. He waited until they were a good distance away from the building before he let her feet touch the ground; at this point she had stopped fighting him and was outright sobbing.

He backed her up into his vehicle, thought about knocking her unconscious and stuffing her in the backseat, but he knew he wasn't capable of that. Still her sobs were too loud and he had to do something to stifle them or they would hear her. If they heard her….oh god. In an impulsive sweep, Castle glued his palm to her mouth. The touch of her lips trembling on his hand was almost too much for him, no wait, the sensation of her tears hitting the top of his hand, now that was too much for him. He felt a physical pain in his chest and a wave of nausea flooded his senses as the first gunshot rang out, then the next, then the next. Beckett began to slide down the car in a pure, utter show of vulnerability and Castle's hand found her hair while the other didn't move from her quivering lips. He couldn't believe he was doing this to her, forcing her to act as a bystander in a murder, a murder she could have had a chance to fight back in. She was powerless to stop the murder of her mother, of McCallister, of Raglan, Royce too. But it was different now, because of him, she was forced to stand on the sidelines of a murder of someone she cared about as it was happening right in front of them. She was a powerful, strong woman and he took that power away from her tonight.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he began tearfully whispering to her, he left hand still caressing her body. She brought her hand up to touch his face and held it there. She quickly nodded her head a few times as she continued to slide further down the car, a sign of understanding, a sign that she knew Castle had to do this, a sign that she wasn't going to hate him, blame him for Roy's death. They heard two more gunshots and they both knew that they weren't the sound of a service pistol and Kate gripped onto Castle harder, tears falling in a steady stream.

In that moment he wanted to kiss her. He wanted to kiss her so she knew all of the things that he couldn't say. But he couldn't because in that moment she wasn't his, she was a child of a murdered mother, the daughter of a terrified father, the prey of a trained assassin, and a woman who now had to carry around the fact that her mentor died protecting her. He wanted to kiss her, but that wasn't what either of them needed. They needed the words that he whispered. They needed the understanding that their relationship would never be the same after he'd seen her like this, after she'd let him see her like this. They needed the touch of each other to get them through the fact that they were outside the hangar protecting the hope of their having a future together while the Captain was inside, guns out, throwing away his. No, it wasn't the time for a kiss, not when she was trembling in his arms while their Captain was sacrificing himself.

They continued to hold onto each other as the final two shots rang out and the silence hit. Castle released his firm grip on her, her hand dropped from his cheek. They both knew it was over. She took off in a dead sprint following the same path that Castle had drug her across moments earlier. Castle knew she honestly believed that she might be able to save him, that she hoped Lockwood had failed and that she could help Roy hang on until help arrived, but at the same time Castle honestly believed she was walking in to the hangar to find five dead bodies and he rested his forehead on the roof of the car wishing she didn't have to see Roy's lifeless body like that. He couldn't deny her that though; her words 'what if it were me Castle' floated into his mind. It struck him how their relationship had changed as of late and tonight was just the icing on the cake. Never again could they go back to innocent innuendos or shameless flirting, he didn't think they would ever look at each other the same way again after tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

[Ch.2]

Once again, he stood in the shadows of the hangar, watching her and the Captain. Except this time there was no exchange, just her on her hands and knees, sobbing over the man that died to protect her. Castle just couldn't walk over there yet, he couldn't yet face the fact that he was partially responsible for this man's death so he picked up the phone and dialled Esposito, gave him a quick rundown, told him to bring Lanie, told him to get Ryan to run interference. They would protect Roy's honour through this, they owed it to him.

Castle began making his way over to her, placed a hand on her trembling shoulder. She didn't budge so he knelt down beside her and pulled her up, shoulders firmly gripped in his hands. She shot him a look, but it wasn't the glare he expected. It was a look of longing, summed up in her eyes was the feeling he felt every time he looked at her lately. He pulled her into him and she wrapped her arms around his waist. He nuzzled his face in her hair. They stood there like that for quite some time, not saying anything, just letting their bodies do the talking. All of the sudden she pushed him away, threw her hair up in a ponytail, and rolled up her sleeves. The detective was back in the building.

"Rick, we need to get our stories straight," she said.

"Stories….what do you mean?" Castle replied.

"We need to protect him, this has to go down as the heroic fight that it was. Nothing about the Captain's past with Raglan and McAllister has to come out. We'll say…..we'll say he thought he had a lead, that we found something else to do with the helicopter, told us to meet him, then….then…."

"Kate, are you sure? I mean I called Espositio, he is going to be bringing the cavalry, we'll be lucky the FBI don't get involved. If we do this, the story can't have any holes. Let me do what I do best. You tell me what you want to say, I will write the story."


End file.
